Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
