I haven't been this sober since birth.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
