just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
