i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
