my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Barsexuality is the new black.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
