Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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