awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
