we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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