..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
