Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i love accidental penises.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize