i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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