Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is my life. Enjoy the view
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
