opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
