You're my little dorito
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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