the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
