Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
