i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently you make a good broom.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
