one two three fourrrrnication!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
