you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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