My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
try to milk me bitch
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
