dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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