You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
