We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
