I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
