its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
