I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
