Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
