please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
