He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
