i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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