Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
