Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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