I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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