I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
