I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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