Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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