Pants 0. Shit 1.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
