I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
