Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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