I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
