Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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