Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
