Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
