whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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