Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
