WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
