Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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