If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
