Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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