I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
