so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
