my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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