I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
