If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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