I looked at my own cervix.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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