now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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