How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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