Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
