I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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