WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
