I accidentally had phone sex last night
I smell stomach acid.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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