Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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