i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
