Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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