More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
