I'm so fucking centered right now
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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