allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
