theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
