woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
