its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
