The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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