gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
